it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
