we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
