the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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