Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
