Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
