I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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