she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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