And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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