If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
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I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
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Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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