I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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