I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
