I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
