This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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