There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
