I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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