very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
