I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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