I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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