NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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