I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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