Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
