tell your sister to shave her snatch
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
