if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I want her autograph on my taint
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
