Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
