dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
