I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
