so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
try to milk me bitch
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
