Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Floor bacon is actually really good
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
