i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
