Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
