You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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