either way he was missing a nipple.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
