i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
