get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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