Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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