Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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