in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
