somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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