STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
