Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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