i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
