I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
