We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
