it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
