I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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