I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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