The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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