dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you mean i was at the winter classic?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
