Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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