i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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