People with herpes should wear stickers.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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