By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
