Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
