I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
