He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
