just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
