The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
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I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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