bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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