She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
