that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
