The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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