Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
