our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
