she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
