Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
They are going to name an STD after you.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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