she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
