Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
