you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
