I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
