I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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