The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
