if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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