Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
