I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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