Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
