i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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