u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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