Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
