Plan B is the new Plan A
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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