Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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