On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
this just has baby written all over it
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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