you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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