I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
