Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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