yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
