..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
